I love people watching, not in a stalkerish sort of way but in an education way. Every person is different and watching the way people dress, or carry themselves, or talk is intriguing. The hardest bit of people watching is the eavesdropping part —most people don’t understand the “I am doing it for research” explanation. It just creeps them out. Hearing snippets of a conversation is fine, but it usually leaves me wanting to know more. The best part of writing dialogue is being able to fill in the blanks. But for me writing conversations has deeper meaning. It allows me to express myself through my characters—something that is hard for me to do in IRL.
But wait, I thought I was an extrovert? My son has pointed this out several times. He jokes about my friendly demeanor and how I am able to befriend anyone and everyone. He can relate — I have passed this trait onto him. But that is not the only thing that he has inherited from me. He has also been “graced” with the inability to express himself clearly when it comes to his emotions. This is especially true in tense situations. My son, you are most welcome.
The issue is that we don’t like to rock boat. We like to keep our thoughts to ourselves and bottle them up because that is what healthy people do…right? I think it has more to do with being afraid of the response from the interaction. We are people pleasers. We can spend hours listening to others talk to us about their feelings but when it is out turn, we hesitate. I am working with my son to help him overcome this social disability.
The hard part about parenting is that sometimes, the sage advice that we give, we do not take ourselves. I find it easier to write out my feelings. There is only so much I can take. But at the end of the day, writing them out is just another way of bottling them up, because I am still scared of any sort of confrontation. I admire people who are able to speak their minds without worrying about the effect of their words will be. Not mean people, but the people who say things are able to verbalize their thoughts and then work through any conflict that may arise from their words.
Being a coward when it comes to sharing my mind is what causes me to write so much dialogue into my stories. My characters, especially the females, are never shy about expressing their thoughts. Even when these characters know their thoughts are unconventional or undesirable, they dive in head first. They speak, face the consequences, and move onto the next set of problems. It is cathartic for me to be able to have the characters be open snd honest with their feelings.
I like my dialogue to sound genuine. I do this by putting myself in the shoes of my characters. I imagine how I would react and how my feelings would be worded. This method also removes all filters. I also get to control how the other person reacts. I don’t have to worry about hurting anyone’s feelings. Knowing my characters allows me to crafts authentic reactions to whatever situation they are facing.
My current female lead is trying to fix a big mistake she made in the past. And although there are times when she quietly takes in whatever crap being thrown her way, she still has her backbone in tact. She speaks up whenever she feels the needs to. Sometimes, even when she says what she feels, things don’t go her way, and that’s okay. At least, unlike me, she does speak up.
For me writing dialogue will always be my favorite part of the creative process. I will continue to turn to writing to help me sort out my thoughts and feelings. Maybe one day, I will be to express myself out loud the same way my characters do in my stories. Until then, I will let them do the talking for me.